Daring Greatly

23 November 2016

Evetopia bright sunflower

October and November really got me like... Besides my super challenging day job, I also agreed to do things that are so out of my comfort zone. I'll be an interpreter for an event tomorrow night and I'm freaked out. 

Fear is seriously inflicting my life in so many ways. Most people around me are filled with a sense of discomfort and anxiety, worrying about time, money and ambition. But the most amusing of all, instead of taking the right actions and working towards the goal, most of our energy is spent worrying about things that either haven't happened, or will never happen. Instead of doing something to bring ourselves on the right track, we spend so much time, energy talking and worrying about the consequences. I'm just... really sick and tired of being afraid. Something has to change.

Anxiety and physical responses (heart pumps faster, sweaty palms, butterflies in the stomach... sounds familiar?) are natural responses of the human body to danger. We are neurobiologically programmed to be self-protective for survival and for fight-or-flight response. But hey, my dear old fear, speaking in public isn't going to be life-threatening. No one is gonna hurt you. (By the way, I'm also in a self-shaming shit storm because I just realized that I lost the fluency in speaking beautiful Mandarin, my mother tongue.) The only one who's judging is yourself, your ego, your self-condemnation, your fear to be vulnerable, your fear to fail. I understand that you, my anxiety, are trying to protect me and convince me to call the person-in-charge to pretend I'm sick tomorrow. I got your point.

But I really want to be brave, I want to overcome this fear. I really want to do this. Why don't we just relax? It's okay to try.

Here's how it goes: Try ⇢ be afraid ⇢ be brave & do it anyway ⇢ learn ⇢ try again ⇢ be afraid ⇢ be brave & do it anyway ⇢ learn ⇢ try again

The cycle will infinitely continue until I feel comfortable with you, my mega anxiety. Just relax, you got this. Now let's get back to practicing for tomorrow night, shall we?

- - If you're in the same situation, I wish you the best. You've been a brave person for trying. Keep daring greatly.

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